Let’s talk about one of my favorite activites in the world: kissing
Otherwise known as: lip-locking, smooching, canoodling, necking, making out, pecking, frenching
Kissing is quite vital to a successful relationship.
Whether it be in the courting stage, honeymoon phase, or at the point where chapel bells are in the horizon- kissing is always present.
(It better be present… if not, then you should probably jump ship immediately)
Kissing can cause several things, such as:
- Spontaneous combustion: this is caused when you kiss, something erupts within, overheat/passion occur, melting
- Fishy thoughts: this occurs when you are lip locking with a slimy one and you begin to feel like a fish is flailing around aggressively in your mouth. EW.
- Soul-shaker: Ahh- these kisses sink in real deep, penetrating your bones and shake your soul a bit. You come out from your hiding place.
- Mauling: Sometimes kissing leads to some fumbling… but this is good, fun, flirty fumbling- not to be confused with football fumbling.
Of course, several other things can happen (such as baby-making, arguments, bitten lips, etc.) but this will suffice for now. You get the picture, Reader.
Now, let me break down the different: types and do’s/dont’s
I am not an expert on the subject, but I feel that I must share my experiences.
So I can enlighten you or perhaps remind myself what kissing involves and who to avoid.
(MEN, just replace ‘her/she’ where there is ‘him/he’- it goes both ways. Promise.)
- If he has tight lips, keeps hands in one spot on your back and overall seems awkward: he is uptight- not good.
- If he runs his fingers through her hair and perhaps gives it a little tug: he is passionate and knows what women like- very good.
- If he cups your face in his hands and/or touches your face/ears at all during necking: He is genuinely nurturing and cares about you- excellent.
- If he kisses you and simultaneously break into a soft conversation: He is extremely confident- and that is extremely sexy.
- If he is all over and is slobbering on you like an infant or puppy: He is way too much, most likely going to be overbearing and overzealous- and is drooling a lot- this is extremely bad.
- If he kisses you for extended periods of time and fairly often: He really wants to get to know you- this is very good.
- If he kisses you all over your face- nose, forehead, cheek: He is smitten and adores you- good for you.
- If he randomly snags you, grips the back of your neck, and pulls you in to plaster his lips on yours (and maybe a quick tongue): He is trying to captivate, seduce, and keep you interested. This is a ‘surprise’ kiss and they are extremely effective.
- If he is able to scoop you up or you are able to pounce on him and then proceed into a lip-lock: He is attracted to you & you to him. You are very comfortable with each other- this is good and could lead to soul-shaking.
- Do make sure your lips aren’t too wet or too dry.
- Don’t smoke, chew, or have the taste of strong alcohol. It is unattractive and makes me gag: just….. don’t do have these nasty habits.
- Do have fresh breath to an extent- meaning, I don’t want to taste bad breath but if you just ate a PB & J I really do not mind if you have a little flavor. I understand having a constant minty scent is quite a high standard, I’m willing to compromise.
- Don’t keep your eyes open. EVER.
- Do remember kissing is a form of foreplay. Go at your own pace, be a tease, get hot and heavy, do whatever you you wish.
- Do kiss in public: I don’t mean you need to maul each other, but stealing some kisses in public shows confidence and assertiveness in what your feeling- it is extremely attractive. Helloooo Mr. Hunky!
- Do not swallow me whole: I had a boyfriend once that was like this- notice he is in the past.
- Do use everything you got: Tongues, teeth, sucking, etc.- use it all and enjoy it.
- Finally… Baby, DO NOT OVER THINK A KISS Kissing is one of the most old-fashioned, intimate, primitive, wonderful activities you can do with someone. So turn off your brain and just go along with it all.
Baby, baby, do I love kissing.
Anyone else feel this way?