Blame the Tootsie Rolls

First, I cannot take responsibility for my sudden absence from the blogosphere.
Please blame my sudden addiction to Tootsie Rolls.
Or my Pirate father.
Or my slightly bloody upper lip (I’ll explain that in a moment).

In all seriousness, I have been busy:

• at a new job (basically, I am a brain surgeon)
• training for a marathon (basically, I run for hours and hours)
• making out (Mr. Speedy and I seem to get stuck doing this for… days)
• trimming my toenails (I almost wrote toes and realized OMG THAT IS SO WRONG!)

Let me update you–

Fact: Several hundred cookies were in our house recently:

Drool.

This was due to the reason that it was Louis’ graduation party. I only ate 3 of these. Okay, it was really 33 but who is counting?

Fact: I am dating an FBI agent. No, really, I am– SEE:

Fact: This is mah favoritez ring. I bought this for myself when I graduated because I felt the need to wear something shiny and pretty on my finger.

P.S. I am still slightly obsessed with the sheer awesomeness of Instagram.

You know what you should not do?

Go layout at a sandy beach when there are severe high winds.

Fact: Windy beach time = sand in your ear, nostrils, pupil, and… cracks-

I have some exciting news-

I do not know how to smile:

This is me and my BFF rejoicing with wine.

Fact: I got a shellac manicure to see what the hype was all about-

I think it makes my hand look less manly and skinny.. and more elegant. Score.

Moving on from creepy finger picture, I enjoy taking pictures of Mr. Speedy. I enjoy this so much that I have calculated the percentage of pictures of him on my snazzy-updated-cellular-device and it is roughly 99.9%. I have pictures of him sitting, eating, talking, smiling, breathing, sweating, walking, watching TV, driving, shopping-

And for some stupefying reason I am completely fascinated with every single one.
I love all of them.
They make me smile, drool, and fill with mushy stuff.

This little collage makes me smirk because he was not aware that any of these pictures were being taken (making me a super fan/creep) AND his head is tilted ever so slightly the same way.

Looking at this makes me want to jump his bones (respectively) :

Enough mush.

Why do I have a slightly bloody lip?
I shall tell you why-

Like most Italian girls blessed with dark, thick hair, I feel the need to wax my upper lip so that I do not appear manly. For some odd reason, today seemed like a good day for me to be adventurous and DO THIS MYSELF. Generally, I pay big bucks to have a PROFESSIONAL do the dirty work. And I don’t mind- after all, it is my silky skin they are dealing with and I don’t want to look like I just got 3rd degree burns anywhere.

Anyways, I tried doing it myself with these waxing strips that you simply warm up with a hair dryer, apply, and rip off. All was going well until I realized that I have no skill in applying these strips, sticking them completely over my actual lip. It looked like the work of a preschooler who forgot to wear glasses and had too much glue. I had no choice but to be strong and swiftly rip the strips off.

I no longer have a hairy upper lip.
I no longer have a layer of upper lip skin.
I no longer want to wax myself.

The end.