The Goodbye Kiss

Goodbye kisses are inevitable.

“I would like a goodbye kiss please. Thank you.”

You kiss friends on the cheeks after a visit.
You kiss family after each get together.
You kiss you pet’s slimy lips when you are leaving.
(Unless it is like a bird, then you trade in slime for a possible lip bleeding peck).

If you are dating, you kiss your significant other goodbye-
after each date, day, run, or outing together.

Mr. Speedy and I are not very good at this- this goodbye kiss thing.
I have noticed that, unlike all previous experiences, Mr. Speedy and I get stuck.
I mean we really really really get stuck.
We are like kites, tangled up in each other, and trapped in the massive limbs of some mammoth tree in the middle of no where with no way to get down.

Here- I made a diagram for you:

This explains why we get stuck. See? You would too.

According to my flow chart, somewhere along the steps 2-4, we get sucked into the ‘Goodbye Kiss Blackhole.’ And just continue looping around, like planets around the Sun.

I noticed this blackhole after our very first date together.

We slowly made the walk to my car. The slower the better, I thought. Even though it was late into the wee hours of the morning, I was already feeling a tiny pang from the thought of having to separate myself from this new, delicious dream of a guy. Mr. Speedy kept his hand firmly, but softly, planted on the small of my back. I felt like I was afloat, poignant in my steps, and wondered what this goodbye kiss would be like.

… Wonder, no longer, my dear reader.

That first goodbye kiss, as it turned out, was simply paving a long-drawn-out path to many more sweet separations of mini-makeout commitments.

We acted like a normal civilized couple in the beginning, saying ‘Bye, I had a really nice time. I like your hair, your nose, etc.’ Then we did the predictable leaning that occurs, hugging one another like we wouldn’t see each other for weeks and would be separated by oceans, civil wars, dinosaurs, and decades of time-travel.

Then, that so-called final kiss goodbye happened.

What an impostor. Purely fictitious.

There was nothing final about that kiss, because it just started up a whole multitude of smooches, squeezes, and smoothers.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” he said, backing me against the door of my car, lips moving toward my neck.

Every nerve receptor in my body fired off, I could almost feel the surge of heat run through my neck, down my spine, and into my legs, where my knees had oh-so-conveniently turned to complete mush. My mind wondered how long until I see him again…  2 hours? When is tomorrow? What day is it? Why does he smell so good? I need air.  His lips… I feel sweaty, oh my… I AM SWEATING. I hope I don’t start sweating through my shirt. I wish my shirt was off. Seriously, why does he smell so good? SWEAT. WHY??

And then, we kissed, flirted, and took it a step-or five-further.

Our goodbye kisses always end up being at least 5 minutes longer than intended.

When I showed Pirate this picture he said “Wow, you two are hot. I mean, look how shiny your foreheads are- why are you both so hot?”… We sweat?

Currently, months after that first date, we still get stuck in this Goodbye Kiss Blackhole. I have absolutely no intention of trying to fix this dilemma. And I have absolutely no problem with being seen by someone else, a passing car or spying neighbor (although the latter is really creepy).

Unless- that someone else is Pirate.
I’m fairly positive that if my father caught me necking with Mr. Speedy, I would just die.
It would not be convenient, me spontaneously dying in the middle of canoodling against cars, Mr. Speedy’s ample arms wrapped all around me.

But you know what else is not convenient?

Goodbye kisses.

This is us at a wedding. This is also a common pose for us. This is also evidence that Mr. Speedy drank my glass of wine and that I do in fact have a ‘shelf.’

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